/int/ - certified time wasters

Probably it's wrong thing to post because it validates your phobias.

But just today I thought on how cybergulag is going to be transformed into neurogulag. Devices which can read your mind are being developed. For now they can barely define your emotions and what you visualize, let alone more complex data, but in future?.. They'll probably be able not only to read but also to write information straight into heda. Competition for EC: who can come up with the least humane use of this technology?

Recently met with a person who is willing to employ in computation neuroscience to "make the world better place". LOL.

>>6769
>who can come up with the least humane use of this technology?
For sure government and advertising industry will be the first to use this, so government will employ it to check your stress levels and pull you over for a check if your results are out of the norm. Ad industry however will write ads for chocolate and recreational drugs into your mind when it detets you're feeling stressed. Of course you can explicitly deny this when the technology is implemented, but you want those sweet product discounts that you only get when you click the allow all button, don't you?

This can turn into a media cultural studies thread :DDD

Made me think of this one, precursive thoughts so to speak in regard to waht Ernst was thinking about, I mean it's 10 years old already.
https://www.euppublishing.com/doi/10.3366/soma.2012.0057

I think you're alright Ernst. You're probably right too, but in interpersonal specifics, isn't this all a greater narrative you tell yourself as to why a relationship is impossible when in reality it's something far simpler that's holding you back?
Bravo to the rest of the thread, just bravo.

>>6777
This sounds a bit like "if a perpetual motion machine is invented, I won't have to change my cigarette lighter".

It will change society entirely, turn it into a hive orchestrated like a single mechanism. Probably elites (0.1% of population) will chipless. Other people will turn into drones: they'll work, die and reproduce according to their neurotransmitted programs. This is a bit of what already happens with help of laws, economic incentives and ideology but their power is very limited compared to chemical dictate.

And the interesting thing is that practically it's total slavery. But at the same time all commands are obeyed voluntary because they are perceived as your own thoughts. Or in other words we are already slaves to our biological program in exactly the same way. Does it matter whether it's this program which sends commands to you or it does someone from outside?

>>6767
I've decided to bump this thread althou nobody else talked about their problems, yet. Prolly because Ernst doesn't want to talk about those. or prefers to hide/burry them in the Today thread

Maybe I update this thread somewhat weekly, with banal personal habbenings to imitate a therapeutical group session and ease others into sharing their personal habbenings, which they struggle to solve. reminds of the Today thread, eh?

The Psychotherapeut i went to is deded since a while. I didn't look for replacement, yet. An old schoolmate recently opened a praxis and is looking for patients. Didn't interact much with her while we were in the same class, but would still feel awkward.
After a few years of not looking for any help, i reached out to a social worker again (was before creating this thread). the person i tried to contact was already in pension for over a year and a new, young social worker who lives in a neighbouring country is currently in that position. She seems nice and understanding. She suggested, that a social worker could come visit me weekly. I think it would be a great idea, but something inside me is blocking the acceptance of it. I have real problems setting reachable goals and a weekly visit could help set and achieve small goals.
The problems i feel like tackling are usually way too big so that i fail at the simple "where to start" line.

In the beginning, a lot of people said things along the lines of
> you are so intelligent.
> you are wasting your potential.
> you shouldn't have problems finding anything with your talents.
after years of neeting and drug abuse, these voices got a bit fewer, but it generally seems to be the interpretation of people i reach out to for help, still. Ernst had to do an IQ test as child. ~170 logical/mathe, ~110 language, ~140 merged ... if those numbers even have any significance... i hope and assume they are a lot lower now thanks to my constant drug abuse... but wouldn't even care to answer such stupid questions anymore...
I can see/understand a lot of logical problems, while, of course, making a lot of mistakes on the way, but fail to articulate those. Or, if i manage to articulate them, it takes a lot longer with a lot more effort put into mapping the problem/solution to common language.

I rly don't know.
I fail to find the motivation for the most simple task like eating, cleaning or hygiene most of the time. e.g. i rly should visit a dentist again, since my teeth have a few new holes thanks to the lack of hygiene. or i rly should clean the refrigerator, because there are quite a few products inside that started molding a while back, since i failed to eat them in time. i hope the milk doesn't explode; the packaging is bloated as fuck

I'm currently thinking of finding a fulfilling hobby i can use as escape-ism. such things usually helped me a lot, but is currently missing. maybe coding a game or delving into anatomic studies of a mole and how to superimpose human characteristics on it for comical (a comic?) adaptation; some Erna studies would accompany this, obviously.

I did code and drew a lot, but not in the past decade or so. Maybe getting GIMP3 and a tablet would be a start. Or invest in a new machine that can compile code in a reasonable amount of time.

>>7108 (body too long)

>>6769
> Probably it's wrong thing to post because it validates your phobias.
tbh... you kind of have to accept reality as is. you can like or hate it - and you can even try to change it -, but you should never deny "what is". that would be delusional. I am generally interested in such topics, but i think the "write" part of this neuro-link might still be a bit far of in the future. at least a useable "write"-function. testenings might be interesting even now.
>>6778
> This can turn into a media cultural studies thread :DDD
wouldn't mind. derailing is EC culture after all ;p
but could you please post epub or pdf as well next time? my frail motivation is too easily influenced by time-eating-algorithms bombarding me with easy-access entertaining content.
the barrier of entry has to be lowered as much as possible ;)
> doi/10.3366/soma.2012.0057
> To access this article:
> Pay Per Article
> Pay £30.00 to read this article
bless the russian sci-hub. how would my neet ass ever be able to effort access to knowledge without those?

>>6802
> interpersonal specifics
> isn't this all a greater narrative you tell yourself as to why a relationship is impossible when in reality it's something far simpler that's holding you back?
currently it might actually very well be the feeling of shame regarding the neglect of commonly as standard interpreted personal hygiene and cleanliness of living space. but that would only regard the initial interaction. long term relationship... i really don't know. i wouldn't mind more sexy-time, but there definitely seems a deep lingering fear of bonding somewhere inside of me.

>>7109
>cleanliness of living space
Please, just clean your room. Exploding milk cartons are chaos. You do not want this.

>>7109
>bless the russian sci-hub. how would my neet ass ever be able to effort access to knowledge without those?

Dog bless. You would have to go to a university library and hope they have subscribed to the journal.

If you are interested we could open a thread as reading group.

I asked Ernsts a while ago if they would be interested in reading along Andy Clark: The Experience Machine. It's a development and popular audience version of his 2015 Surfing Uncertainty. I'm getting my copy of EM this weekend I think.
Otherwise, we could read Paul Virilio or Jean Baudrillard. But we would have to settle on a book then. They also wrote smaller books I think.

https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/313594/the-experience-machine-by-clark-andy/9780241394526
>For as long as we've studied the mind, we've believed that information flowing from our senses determines what our mind perceives. But as our understanding has advanced in the last few decades, a hugely powerful new view has flipped this assumption on its head. The brain is not a passive receiver, but an ever-active predictor.

>At the forefront of this cognitive revolution is widely acclaimed philosopher and cognitive scientist Andy Clark, who has synthesized his ground-breaking work on the predictive brain to explore its fascinating mechanics and implications. Among the most stunning of these is the realization that experience itself, because it is guided by prior expectation, is a kind of controlled hallucination. We don't passively take in the world around us; instead our mind is constantly making and refining predictions about what we expect to see. This even applies to our bodies, as the way we experience pain and other states is shaped by our expectations, and this has broader implications for the understanding and treatment of conditions from PTSD to schizophrenia to medically unexplained symptoms. From the most mundane experiences to the most sublime, it is our predictions that sculpt our experience.

>A landmark study of cognitive science, The Experience Machine lays out the extraordinary explanatory power of the predictive brain for our lives, mental health and society.


Baudrillard/Virilio:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Virilio
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean_Baudrillard#Bibliography

>>7119
epub:
http://libgen.rs/search.php?req=the+experience+machine+andy&open=0&res=25&view=simple&phrase=1&column=def

>>6769
You will install the brain spyware.
And you will be happy.

>>6769
>neurogulag

This concept makes me wonder, would it make a difference if a neurogulag implanted the perception of being in a gulag for X years compared to implanting the memory of having been there for x years? Could punishment and resocialization happen instantaneously?

>>7203
There was a DS9 episode about this.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hard_Time_%28Star_Trek:_Deep_Space_Nine%29

>>7203
>punishment
>and resocialisation
Yeah, "resocialisation"

lol

>>7167
This will be the new reality. Why is home office so popular with some employers? Simple: allows them to spy on employees at home. And they LOVE it. Spying on employees thoughts will be a thing, and it will arrive sooner than expected. Five years from now, they will know what you are thinking. They will find slackers by reading their minds.

>>7203
Not working hard enough? Thinking about non-work-related things while you should be working? 10 years of neuro-gulag. Not consooming enough? Hating the adverts sent to your brain? Another 10 years of neuro-gulag.
Capitalists will love it. Those who haven't done anything wrong don't have anything to hide!

>>7299
> Why is home office so popular with some employers? Simple: allows them to spy on employees at home

It's probably just cheaper, less fixed costs. You can spy on your employees in the office the same way.

>>7167
>>7299
Yeah, it will be exactly like with television and the Mc-Ad-patent where you have to say "Mc Donald is awesome" to exit the ad and continue watching...

>>7423
i just gonna add some BLAH BLAH BLAH
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfJhMfOPWdE

Just because something is ''technically'' within a possible reality scenario, it isn't automatically going to happen. for example: when did we start having enough bombs to bomb earth's whole surface out of existence?
the human population is a stubborn bunch; and some of its "flaws" might turn out to be pretty useful after all. Drop Acid, not Bombs.

I'm not sure if i want to tackle the "mind reading"-device premise, yet. Might be interesting thought experiment, thou.
i would prolly first want to analyze human culture beforehand and how this device might impact different cultures, because they might use the same tool in a different way.

Human culture is diverse.
I just gonna write now without proof reading... did try to get my thoughts into something coherent, but failed after analyzing my written words and deleted them quite a few times. so here goes nothing:

chinese culture is too "Sokrates"-esk for my personal taste. I can see the value of putting society over the individual, but i think they went a bit too far; just like Sokrates. ya kno'? with the deciding to die although innocent stuff. china, after exposed to the idea of the data-kraken, pretty much straight up went "yapp, we gonn do dat." without any bullshittingpsy-ops/false-flags around. I am actually not against this idea of a social score based on "our" values as long as we do not have a singular system and freedom of movement. that is: i can leave and move to a different location with different values.

The ami-ball-culture is... welp, it looks individualstic, but it pretty much is just capitalism. it looks to me like even the bible has a part in it describing this culture: praying to the golden lamb. i prefer the nordic culture attitude where it is common to view someone trying to get a lot of bling bling as mentally ill. the usual nordic advice would be: maybe it is a wise idea to use your current bling bling for a therapist instead of chasing for more. This thought might seem alien to an ami-ball.

welp... now i am thinkenings about my personal "how to save the world*" instead of writenings.
*in case the world needs to be saved
i think the "size" of a system is very relevant, since the individual in a system needs to feel some kind of "social connection" to the society as a whole. too big of a system alienates the individual from society. this size is actually variable. primarily depended on population density, but some "goal" can unite a large chunk of humans as well. examples of the past might be world wars or the race to the moon. currently there seems to be no real overarching "societal goal" anywhere. i think most current systems are too big and remnants of historical power struggles.
considering the limits of human biology this feeling of "social connection" in a limbo, that is no uniting goal, seems to be limited to the area of individual influence. self-explanatory, duh! u kinda hav to divide humans in different self-governing chunks. i don't have any hard scientific data, but i feel like the swizz's Kantons are a good size. smaller chunks allow for faster and more individualistic development. less instances of bureaucrazy.

this "we need smaller chunks !!" i've read in a few very far left and very far right "utopias" as well. seems to be "far out" :D
i don't know... for bigger chunks, like we currently have with most "countries", i don't see it working unless you have a clearly defined goal you chase together.
an example might be trying to create moar black gold, that is: dirt. do some desert greening; that includes ice-deserts. start populating those "un-habitat-able" places on earth solar-punk-style.

why use the idea of creating bling bling out of nothing only for world wars?

>>7426
> smaller chunks allow for faster and more individualistic development.
I think the main issue with self-governing "smaller chunks" is that they cannot really exist in a world full of actual military powers without the good will of neighboring "empires". Switzerland and its cantons have been guaranteed time and time again by external ideologies and brute strength. Not saying it’s not the most desirable system but it’s not the easiest to maintain throughout time. Because we mostly were convenient to other surrounding power, throughout mercenary service, as a buffer state or banks more recently. I don’t see this system be put into work on a large scale.

Overall this part of your post makes me think of an old brick half-troll post stating that human meaning is a fixed value that is unequally divided across the geography and economic ladder. In your thesis fixed (extra-direct social circle) meaning could be created by a state or social structure, and the smaller the state is, the larger the slice of broader societal meaning would be distributed to individuals. Is that it?

last few days/weeks has been hard.
i couldn't find the motivation for anything; not even for lurking on EC. i was mainly laying in bed and have some 2h+ yt vid playing about another mc world or an osrs snowflake challenge. most of the time with the back towards the screen.
the milk didn't move nor explode. a pot of food, which i only managed to finish halfway, is molding as well and started to smell around today or yesterday.

i found a little more motivation today, hence the post.
not enough to clean, thou. I wanna try to use that motivation for some social contacts; haven't left my flat outside of grocery shopping this month. a local ~punk band should be having rehearsal Bandprobe? today. i sometimes lurk there. prolly not gonna send a text beforehand and ask "yo, u playin' today?". instead just walk by. maybe i'm unlucky. maybe rly unlucky and they're playin but no beer. oh gosh! but usually someone has car and some crates are purchased. each month a different band using that room has to "refill" the reserve :3 - one of the psychedelic rock bands is rly, rly good.

I think i'm going to have enough motivation tomorrow to clean my flat a bit. usually i can somewhat feel it when motivation for stuff like that slowly comes. and "bad smell" is a damn good motivation, btw.
was thinkin' of maybe posting before & after pictures, but prolly not gonna do. you've all lurked enough to know how bad things can look.
i would rate my current flat at "about the ok-ish side of 'starts to look rly bad'". i've seen a lot worse; even in person.

>>7468
> Is that it?
I would have formulated it differently, but pretty much, yeah.
I would like to emphasize the "could", thou. It doesn't need to. From personal observation most people find part of this meaning in creating a family and either working in a social field or research. Other jobs, which are considered necessary, might give this as well, because of "welp, someone gotta do it." People, who have a job "just for the money", usually seem to be more on the miserable site of things; even if it is really, really good money. (Obviously there are always exceptions... e.g. if someone can find something outside of work that rly gives their life meaning. And, obviously again, all these judgements like "necessary job" etc. pp. have to come from the person in question themselves and a 3rd person's judgement is irrelevant.)

About the
> smaller chunks vs military power
problem:
that is a good point. it's hard to mention everything you thought of and have as premise in your own head, if you talk about a topic you thought about a lot. to offer some kind of stability, i was imagining quite a few cooperating smaller chunks, which would bundle together if either of them are threatened by another force; ~like european union.


not sure if i continue this thread a lot longer... maybe only discussion stuff

Polite kontra because I have nothing to contribute except I think this is a very EC thread in a beautiful way.

mhm... maybe my last QQ bump, idk

i lied in my last post.
i managed to clean a little today. threw away the milk and actually the whole pot, since it was swarming with insects and didn't wanna clean it; flat still filled with annoying fruit flies. also cleaned my fridge of all other food, which was molding; now it is nearly empty. i'm also out of money, which i usually don't struggle with, but i was too lazy/not motivated to do anything or think a little ahead. no cooking, since insects occupied cooking space. bought expensive fast food instead; also wasted quite a few coins on alc.

i currently feel like being in a somewhat paradoxical situation. on the one hand i am super privileged. i neet since forever. althou i can feel the inflation somewhat, i wouldn't argue the neet-money is too less... prolly would have managed to waste a lot more, if given the opportunity. it's just self neglect and general lack of motivation. short-sighted "i need to numb myself" was pretty much the only thing i managed to motivate myself to. might struggle a bit with food this month, but if everything else fails, i prolly still can social engineer some relatives and/or friends into inviting me over for dinner. telling the truth usually is enough social engineering in such cases... plus such would lead to some social interactions, which i neglected lately a lot as well.

i'm also trying to analyze why i am currently again in a somewhat deep hole. it's barely ever "good", but rarely this bad as well. i would like to delusion myself into blaming current world events, but i think the current cause is much simpler and personal. it even sounds childish to me, but i assume it is the most likely cause: my narcissistic father gave me a little hope; for the first time ever, i actually thought he would do something selfless. he didn't. i am waay to old to be influenced by my father... apparently not. i should prolly cut all ties to him just like the rest of my family did.
problems: i am also a calculating narcissistic asshole and he is rich. it certainly would be a bad financial decision. a leisurely life as landlord sounds tempting... thou i might miscalculate here and the gov would take away too much

some suicidal thoughts have been creeping in lately again as well. mainly if i think about how privileged i am. but there was a time, when they were much worse. everyone lives in their own delusion and problems are relative and can't be judged objectively. i have to accept/acknowledge that i am privileged as fuck and don't live in a shithole like america or something. (where i would be at least homeless, if not dead a few times over... prolly would have started my life in debt, since i broke my hip at birth and other accidents/illnesses in my life would have 100% financially ruined me/my family)

chrm... after writing this, i am currently rly trying to analyze if the father-thingy is an underlying root-problem or just a trigger. according to what i've read about psychology, it is more likely to be the former, but it doesn't feel that way. e.g. i knew since early childhood that my father is a narcissistic asshole and i am pretty sure my mother left him at least partly, because i urged her to do so...(started urging her when i was ~10. when i was ~14 she left him), might be me just being delusional, thou.

ah, whatev.

>>8657
>threw away the milk and actually the whole pot, since it was swarming with insects
Sounds like something my mom would do. Have a bbq, leave the dishes outside, forget about them for a few weeks, until my 14yo and 10yo sons find the mess and clean of all the congulated fat, scold them for not throwing everything away.

>i'm also trying to analyze why i am currently again in a somewhat deep hole. it's barely ever "good", but rarely this bad as wel
You might find good workable hypothesis, but what good will that be? After you know what went wrong, can you go back and change it?

>>8657
>a leisurely life as landlord sounds tempting... thou i might miscalculate here and the gov would take away too much

Renting out property is tax-efficient. Every dime spent on upkeep and renovations is tax-deducible, so is interest on mortgages. That means that the higher your personal tax rate (=the more rental properties you have), the cheaper it becomes to get more of them.

In your current state, you don't have what it takes to be a landlord, you can't even keep your own place clean. There's no chance you can keep up with the paper work and keep various rental properties up and running.

>>8657
> i am waay to old to be influenced by my father... apparently not.
You can never escape your parents

>>8682
You do differently than your parents (and social groups and their norms, I want to add) have consciously or unconsciously taught you, that is how you "escape" your parents, and which is what therapy is for in a sense.

>>8718
That's not what this was about though

>>8720
So you meant in the way that your parents will exist and be in a relationship with you? Or their genetics?

not >>8720

>>8721
not sure how you misinterpreted it. and not sure how to explain it as well :D
basically, the influence your parents have towards your emotional state is proportional way too big, always. if i understood correctly

>>8723
Yes, that was about what I meant - your parents will always be your parents (unless you actually cut all ties and never speak to them again) and continue to be able to push your buttons etc., no matter how "different" you make yourself from them or their ideas.
Though sometimes you will come to the realization that the similarities go very deep.

>>8724
>continue to be able to push your button

That is what you are about to make conscious in order to not let it happen. Maybe you won't be able to do it 100% and not all things your parents taught or inherited to you are bad anyway.

>how "different" you make yourself from them or their ideas.

You can constantly make difference if you work for it that is, and I don't even mean it in upbringing, it would be pretty strange world if people are like their parents in every way. Certainly, it is ingrained but thinking humans are not moldable beyond childhood is a pretty weak take.

>>8724
I somehow think you are the Ernst how sometimes mentions how he realizes how similar he has become to his mother. A realization that most adults make, I think. Did you stop there in the end or did you tackle that "problem"?

i've read/heard somewhere, that narcissistic parents statistically leads to narcissistic offspring. like, very strong correlation compared to other character traits parents might "teach" their children.

This morning I thought about my ex again.
Not because I still love her or anything - on the contrary, I dodged an artillery shell there - but because part of me is still bitter about how she treated me and how it ended.

> solar punk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVlBmdvIC6s [~20min]
> DamiLee - SolarPunk Cities...

/rant/
she is an architecture bitch. quite a nice one.

> ~&t=132
> THE MATRIX (1984)
huh? looks like dat one ~ghibli movie...
> !ddg ghibli
> filmography
> literally_first_picture.webp
knew it!
> Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind [1984]
> STUDIO GHIBLI [founded 1985]
yeah, yeah. keep your akthausdhally.gif to urself.

wasn't that ~one area once known as ~[green half moon]? heard legends/conspiracy theories about something like dat. Also: didn't the old egyptions had rly long agriculture channels dug from their big river? ... also once heard something about ~"the pyramids might have had a white layer on top of what is currently left"
eh... watev.
/rant/

>>9640
Randombernd, is that you?

Today I visited my father in order to tell him, that I am close to breaking all contact with him like the rest of my family did.
When I arrived at his house the backdoor was open, but nobody home. Quite unusual, since my father usually always locks that door, even if he is at home. Reason for that seems to have been the non-party that hasn't been cleaned up, yet. There were ~4 glasses on the dinner table, 2 of those unused. Some chips in a bowl - according to taste and consistency they stood there for about 1 to 2 days. An unopened wine bottle on the dinner table and one unopened wine bottle next to a fitting bag that seemed to have been left as a gift on a cupboard. Outside the backdoor was a crate of beer with 3 bottles missing/empty and some unopened soda bottles; left outside for cheap cooling.
I assumed my father was just very shortly gone for grocery shopping or something. So I decided to wait a bit and made myself something to eat. In the fridge was a cake that hasn't been touched. After a while I've decided to open a beer. After I finished the beer I wrote a little letter, just about that I visited and what I've done, not why I wanted to visit, and left.

Overall a win win.
Got free food and didn't have to interact with my father.

I assume he had birthday or something. I really don't know such things because I simply do not care. I even forgot my own birthday more than once.
> "I wish you all the good"
- "Uh,... what for?"
> "Your birthday?"
- "Oh, right! Thanks."
Most of my friends/family know that I can't remember birthday dates and such. They usually remind me shortly beforehand.

>>9654
Nope, actually OP.
wanted to write a lengthy blog post and ask >>8838 if he wants to share some more details. "Blogpost" ended up being nearly exclusively meta-stuff and now it is ~1 month later, so actually working on blog posting that day might turn out to be more fiction than habbenings.
Instead of posting the unfinished draft, I just bumped the thread with one barely tangent topic.

>>8838
mind sharing additional information?
what parts of her treatment left a lasting effect on you?

gonna dump parts of what I've wrote anyway. After rereading, I would say there are some interesting points in it, but overall not worth the read.
I was quite high while writing it. Abused a drug to combat another drug addiction. Smoked way too much tobacco before - like 1 zig every ~10-20min. Smoked way too much weed for a while, but got down to 1 zig every ~1-2h now - even while not smoking jointje.

time for some attention whoring

> Maybe I update this thread somewhat weekly, with banal personal habbenings to imitate a therapeutical group session and ease others into sharing their personal habbenings, which they struggle to solve.
> maybe my last QQ bump, idk
Not gonna do a QQ bump but instead a blogpost about what happened today, I've decided. Let's define "blogpost" as mainly todays personal habbenings; may include thoughts, feelings and references of past personal habbenings [the "mainly", "may include", XOR, OR, AND, NAND, NOR and XNOR part can be moved around, included or left out freely]. I'll try to order the habbenings of today somewhat chronologically and somewhat after personal interpretation of importance; in other words: it is a chaotic, yet ordered, list of [Today's habbenings].

> Why aren't you posting it in the dedicated thread?
Because you can't [-] in a thread.

Like always: don't take anything at face whale you. I even lie in this half-ish meta post. Everyone is lieing - even to themselfs; copium. Of course I am going to misrepresent myself and what actually happened in order to give a better impression. Sure, you might not like that impression I am trying to portrait - but you are not deciding about how, when and where I lie. I do. Maybe you can even learn from my lies and improve your own lieing. The communication form attention whoring, which is "shitposting publicly without anyone asking", is always full of lies; especially if you force others to repeat a 3rd person's lie (e.g. ads, news […]) via an external tool (e.g. money, religion, group faggöttingen, fear […]).

I left my lurkingcave; visited society (and fell in love). I gonna focus on that. I know not everyone likes to read everything or everyones posts. I usually skip past hungry's blogpost myself and read pretty much everything else. But than, again, sometimes when I lay in bed and can't sleep and am not in the mood to do anything - I lurk those posts. It is a different kind of lurking. And I am not always in the mood to listen to the problems and habbenings of someone else. There is enough not habbening in my own life. I don't need more problems induced by others to further increase this non-habbening. Or maybe I do? I am not sure myself.

The point is:

Ernst alawys has an open ear for everything. We can and should talk about your problems and habbenings, if you are willing to share. It's helpful to open your heart up so I can stab into it and put it on your tongue hmm, tasty.

But Ernst isn't always in the mood to.

Ernst, did you know:

There is a really long nerve in every mammal (I am too lazy to look the name up, you should be able to find it yourself with the additional info I am providing). When you are sending a signal to your wiggle wiggle thingys, aka DJpair wave producer, which is throwing a rave in your throat, it travels along this nerve. The nerve doesn't directly go to DJpair wave producer. No, it goes past them, wraps around your heart, and travels back to visit the rave. Additionaly, I've heard that the heart has a ton of nerves/neurons which are very similar, if not identical, to the nerves/neurons your brain is made out of. This neural-network is around your whole heart; in/on the skin tissue.
It is assumed, that the length of this nerve is caused by stupid evolutionary biology random value throwing. Ancestors did not have such a long nerve. That nerve still touched the heart, but the heart was placed in between both ends and not way off. Much like our eyes evolved stupidly, but the ones of the octopus did not.

Ernst doesn't agree with this theory. Ernst has his own hypothesis he can't formulate. That is: he can't put into a cohesive, comprehensible wordList what Ernst is thinking regarding this particular thingy. But Ernst uses his hypothesis to formulate some statements like:

> Everyone who doesn't talk with his heart on the tongue is stupid by default, since such an act doesn't use the whole intelligence available to an individual being.

The used idiom is powerful.
> to talk with your heart on the tongue
This idiom is truth transcending science, logic and time.

And at this point it might be important to mention the following:

Mine Primärattribut iß LAZY
"My primary attribute is lazy." ?

Yes, all capital letters. Ernst, in all honesty: you can be really happy, that I do not write like I want to write most of the times. I wouldn't bother with capitalization unless it is camelCase or self-imposed meaning as in Wortneuschöpfung literally: wordNewCreation. correct translation: neologism. I prefer the look of all smoll, but wouldn't really care enough to hit the CAPS key, if it is enabled. (Why is it a "key"? It is a [binary switch] or [toggle], chrott færdømme !!. Just put an actual, physical switch on the keyboard. Isn't thaaaat hard, is it?! It's even hard to find decent hardware without RGB-BULLSHIT.
Just gimme my goddamn logical consistent hardware instead of bling bling faggotory !!
)

Outside of this I am not - I repeat: I will not !! - going to proof read¡¿ how inzu eengriigk ?!. Blogposting is done for one's self; plus, I am attention whoring anyway. I might as well do it my way. It's your fault for paying any attention to my lies. Don't blame me for you reading my shitposts.

I started writing this stuff at ~20:00:00.000 and […].now() it is ~00:17:00.00234123123451233..999. The described habbenings happened in between or just before starting to write.

I've prepared a lekker jointje of combined effort from the dutchys some espanol speaking ppl, the marokCans' wisdom and your's, truly, Ernst, who did the last tiny bits of necessary work to manually put everything into the form of een jointje, a hot black tea *this item needs additional information and a bottle of whine growing next to the Bergjudebarar to be used as refill of the cup, once the tea got devoured/savoredByTheTasteBudds by/of my body. I also opened some live stream of a nice hot chick with a nice ass, selling her attention to simps, on a different monitor. Luckily the simps wanted to see her ass just as much as I did. I muted the stream. (kling, bling, Ah! Oh!, pingpingping, drrrrrrr_RrRrrRRr_rRRr_rRRRRRr_rrr[…]) I instead opened a ~3h vinyl [deep house] & [techno] dj mix. I put on my head phones my ears ring anyway; i don't need a phone. I also noticed that Ernst is streaming some kind of audio book. I listened to it and enjoyed it once before, but this time I just opened the stream and muted it.

> I wanted to concentrate on writing.

Could have maybe saved it to local storage, but didn't not done that yo, ug wa ma hiir pakkn so ala een *.irgendwadt, ya?; I at least simped for Ernst.

> I am sorry and I am not, Ernst.
> Deal.ing [formal "you"] with it.

Now it is ~1+3/4.
I assume right now this post might take more than one day to write. I try to keep it as close to one day as possible; at least for actual habbenings.

> Ernst,
> You have to understand the following:
> Sometimes,
> which is:
> someAmount of [plural:timeFrame]
> I prefer to simply lay back,
> close my eyes
> and
> watch the soundWaves
>_dance
> .

I am now. , and this "now" includes "me" - not "you".
Just because your "now", reading my attention whoring, is in a time frame of your choice, which - granted - might return a null, doesn't imply you can choose my intervals of interactions with this biggering.

*sips black tea*

>>6767
If he doesn't want to talk about them he sure fooled Ernst by typing a huge paragraph and spilling all

You think thoughts a think that's the truth when really women were there for you. If we criticize you you manufacture fake thoughts of non reproduction again and you're always right so what can we do?

You're a bitter fool full of thoughts. How dare you have treated women that way instead of making a family someday. Foolish. A fool.

Aye, led the thread die >:/

>>21142
> How dare you have treated women that way instead of making a family someday.
my current working hypothesis is:
- i'm hyper sensitive (2 separate people's diagnosis - dem might be right)
- my father loved and beat me
- my mother didn't love me and treated me "ok"
she once fled our home out of fear of death. she took my brother with her and forgot me. i've hid behind the kitchen door with a knife in my hands; for hours. i was ~5-8 yo -- recently a few things happened, bringing that memory back.
- - -> I've learned that love is something bad or at least makes you do bad things.